Rain A Princess Tutu Fanfiction
by demoness2
Summary: Fakia pondering about Mute... shounen-ai, moderately sad.


Rain  
  
~A Princess Tutu Fanfiction~  
  
Author: Me, demoness, harudasakurada, morbidsoul, whatever you feel like calling me.  
  
Contact: e-mail = sakura05@swbell.net  
  
Rating: PG for homosexual content  
  
Pairing: Fakia + Mute  
  
WARNING: This story contains shounen-ai (that's slash for you non- anime/manga fans. That means it has Gay people in it!!). It does not contain sex or anything graphic at all, but... yeah. If you don't like shounen-ai, there's no real point in reading it, don't flame me, etc. etc. etc. Note that suki means "to like" in Japanese (the love kind of like) and baka means "idiot", "moron", etc. Also, I do not own any of these characters! I just borrowed them, they belong to whoever made up this wonderful anime. ^^; Finally, yes, I realize I made some mistakes, but I still find it pretty.  
  
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'Why can't they stop tormenting him?'  
  
I walk back to the dormitories of my ballet school, deep in thought. It is raining, but I do not take heed of it. Water droplets splash on my cheeks, my hair, my clothes, but nothing matters to me at this moment.  
  
Nothing except for him.  
  
All my life I have been closest to him. I knew what was going on inside of him. I knew.  
  
Yet now, I am afraid that will change. I'm afraid of how he'll be different after he gets his heart back. What if he does not like me anymore? What if he sees that I have held him caged away from the rest of the world for so long?  
  
What if he figures out that I love him?  
  
Yes, I love him. I grew to love him early on, and my heart nearly broke apart with his. But he was still by my side. We would always be together. Nothing could tear us apart.  
  
In fear of loosing him I possessed over his entity, regulating every move he made. I didn't let him meet other students, for I feared that he would turn away from me.  
  
What if he came to love someone else? I couldn't let that happen.  
  
Unknowingly I clench my fists with frustration. Why did he do this to me?  
  
I release my hands and come to think of his feelings. Or rather that he does not possess any. I came to the awareness that he would not love me back ever again a long time ago. I mourned for days because my only hope, my only chance, of ever finding true happiness was gone. I know that I will never love anyone but him. And until the tragedy occurred, I was certain that he could, one day, come to love me back. I pushed the thoughts of him finding a princess for him one day out of my mind. Truly, I believed that we could find some form of happiness, even though it wouldn't be what I desired so strongly.  
  
But now he does not even know what love is. He follows me blindly, but not out of love, fear, or any other emotion. I will never again feel that glimpse of hope when he looks at me after I tell him "suki" in a joking manner. He never knew I really meant it; we were best friends and made fun all of the time.  
  
I will never again see anything loving in his eyes.  
  
They got back three of his feelings so far. Negative feelings. But oh, how I savored the life they awakened in him! I myself had almost forgotten how it felt to hold his frail, trembling body at night after a terrifying thought crept into his mind. I had almost forgotten how it felt to comfort him, to wipe away his tears and whisper sweet things in his ear.  
  
Are these things worth getting his heart back? Are they worth taking the chance of having to give him up? Or could I keep him for me like a heartless slave? I do not know.  
  
A drop of rain falls on my cheek and slowly trickles down like a tear. Angry at myself I brush it away. I've almost reached the dorms and feel even more insecure about myself. What will I tell Mute when I get back to our room? I feel more and more that I cannot go on like this much longer. It's tearing my heart apart.  
  
I open to doors and look back out of the rain. Falling down. Pouring out of the sky, washing away my guard of false pretenses. I could go up there now and confess what I had been feeling all along. But could I stand the blank look in his eyes as he replies he loves me too? Could I stand seeing his emotionless face, knowing that he has lost the knowledge of what these words mean? I know they would just be empty, meaningless... nothing to him. And it would hurt me. But could I bear it?  
  
I close my eyes and shut the doors, blocking away the sound of water from my mind. Slowly I open them and turn around to look down at the dark floor.  
  
Could I be absolutely sure that he would belong to me if he got his heart back? No. I know that; there's Ruu, Princess Tutu, and that obnoxious duck- like girl. I wouldn't have a chance. No, it must stay like this. I can bear it, I tell myself. I can bear it.  
  
With the feelings he has now, sadness, loneliness, and fear, I can still keep him for me. They won't tear him away from me. I can comfort him, but there will never be love in his eyes.  
  
Never.  
  
I'll make sure of it. I'll shatter his heart again if necessary.  
  
I start making my way up the stairs; I know what I'll do now. I'm sure of myself. I will protect his nothingness and my memories of him with all of my being. I will never let them tear him away from me, and he will be mine for ever.  
  
Yes, this is our destiny. Tragedy. Emptiness. But we stay together.  
  
I will tell him of my love. I will look into his empty eyes that do not know how to smile. I will hear the words I yearn for so much out of his mouth. He will officially be mine, and I will make sure to enforce it towards anyone who wants to rip what we have left away from us.  
  
I run upstairs as quickly as possible. He will be waiting for me; he will always be waiting for me.  
  
Determination spreads across my face. My prince, I love you and I will protect you, always. The raven will never come near you again. Your feelings will never be bestowed back upon you. They will never cause you pain again.  
  
"Mute," I utter breathlessly as I open to door. "Suk-"  
  
I break off and stare into the room in front of me.  
  
A cold breeze brushes my face. The sheets on the empty bed gently billow in the wind coming from the opened window.  
  
Mute was gone again.  
  
"Baka," I whisper.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The End~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


End file.
